I've been an emotional mess lately... I've put on a pretty good game face, and I am grateful that I have been able to process my thoughts through quilting.
As I dove into the green scrap bin I found solace and healing. Sometimes you need to take time to break down the emotions and the source of them. Hurt, disappointment, anger, frustration, fear.
I have realized that on top of the death of our brother-in-law, I've been grieving the death of dreams for our daughters. We have had the realization and necessity of separation from our oldest (and the grandchildren) because of her toxic husband. This became increasingly noticeable as Easter came and went and there was no family time. And then the birthday of the 4-year-old granddaughter...
I feel that the only thing any parent wants for their children (aside from a personal relationship with the Lord) is for them to have healthy marriage/relationship in which they can thrive - together - through life... where the relationship is equal and loving... where they care for each other and want the best in life for each other.
Our youngest daughter has a gem of a husband, and we are sooooooooooo thankful! Though the death of a dream for her looms ahead. She and her husband have struggled with infertility for several years. They were so excited last August... as were we! when they learned that she was pregnant. Only to be deeply disappointed and crushed a week or so later when she miscarried. That baby's due date would have been April 17th... just a day before my 60th birthday. It may be a little selfish, but I looked forward to celebrating the birth as I held a new grandbaby in my arms. Our daughter has plans to discuss a permanent plan for "birth control" in a few months. She and her husband are at peace with their decision... I wish I could say "so am I". :-\
I was drawn back to Psalm 23 as I made the table topper and a song by Leanna Crawford - Still Waters. I could easily have this song on repeat... I hear it in my sleep and dreams as well as throughout the day as I do laundry, spend time in the kitchen and as I added the various scraps together to make this project... the border is a print that features sheep!
Lord I believe You can set me at ease
Turn this broken piece in me to peace and quiet
I know there’s power in Your word
So I’ll say it over and over til my soul’s reminded
Oh The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want
He leads me by still waters ‘til my fears are gone
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
O I know You are with me
My Father, my friend
Your goodness and mercy will follow me all of my days
I know by Your still waters I’m safe
As I arranged the green string-pieced blocks on my design wall I thought that it looked fractured... a bit like our hopes and dreams for our children.
A bit like our family...
I am choosing to call this one "Fractured Emeralds"...
And remind myself that God can bring beauty from fractured lives! I will TRUST Him to work all things together for the Glory of God.
The word trust has been my focus word for the year... I am certainly being reminded, nearly daily, that I need to lean on Him.
Ok, enough of my rambling... if you made it this far, THANK YOU. Please remember our family in prayer as we navigate this challenging season in life.
It is always helpful when facing difficult times to look outward and see where one can help others. Do you have a prayer request? Leave a comment... or, if you're not comfortable making a comment here you can send me an email.
MelvaLovesScraps@NolanQualityCustoms.com
I'll be in my studio listening to Leanna Crawford and following her Aunt Maureen's advice. ;)
Keep Piecing,
Melva
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Oh, Melva, I can just feel your mother’s heartbreak. I pray the Lord will give you peace while you wait for Him to work all things together for good on behalf of your family.
ReplyDeleteHe truly can bring beauty from ashes. Grief from the death of dreams can be as heavy as a physical death. Praying you sense His strength as you walk this journey
ReplyDeleteI can feel your frustration and I'm very sorry. It must be difficult to not be a part of your daughters live and those major milestones. Hugs from all of us. The green quilt sure is pretty. Thanks for joining Angel Brian's Thankful Thursday Blog Hop!
ReplyDeleteSorry, lost my thoughts, if I didn't say so, thanks for joining Angel Brian's Thankful Thursday Blog Hop!
ReplyDeleteOh Melva. I haven't been keeping up with you lately but I understand your pain so completely. We have a "toxic" DIL who rules the roost and has tried to turn her husband (our son) against us. It was a rocky relationship from the get go and it only got worse as the two grandsons arrived, and we were told basically that we didn't know how to raise children and so we weren't to see them. Over five years of agony, prayers, and a lot of work on our part to stay in touch with him, we are finally having some contact with the boys. DIL is cordial and polite but that's about it. I am so grateful for every chance to see them. I hope you can hang on through this really rough time and perhaps some day you will have options.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are in such an emotional mess. Broken dreams always hurt. So glad you get relief from your green scraps. Love your table topper, that sheep fabric is the cutest! Pretty string blocks too.
ReplyDeleteMelva, I'm so sorry that you're struggling with these worries about your daughters. My heart goes out to you. It's so hard to worry about our adult children and not really be able to do anything except pray. Your green projects are lovely and look like good therapy. I love how you made the first quilt match the shape of your table!
ReplyDeleteYour family will be in my prayers. We have had similar fractures but God is always faithful. Lots of families do.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't make it any easier. God bless! Helen
Melva, we all struggle with lost dreams. The Lord is always faithful as HE directs our paths. Know that the Lord knows your pain, and is there, walking beside you. Blessings my friend.
ReplyDeleteOh, Melva I am so very sorry to hear about the worry and frustrations you are going through . You never quit worrying about your children. But your Faith will get you through this. I am so glad that quilting brings a bit of comfort to you. Your quilt is looking wonderful. Warm hugs.
ReplyDeleteAh Melva I had wondered how you were doing since the baptism dresses incident. I feel your heartache. I often think of my Mom and how her heart must have ached at some of the decisions I made in my adult life - Lord knows I made some bad ones. I will certainly pray for you and your family. And yes I invite your prayers - we all need prayer, right?
ReplyDeleteGreen is just the right color to soothe your soul.
ReplyDeleteAs parents we all worry about our kids no matter their age. Hugs to you as you travel these sad waters my friend.
ReplyDeleteGreen is my favourite colour, and I agree with Kathryn, it soothes your soul. You have a very nice blog. Beautiful work! Warm greetings from Montreal, Canada.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for your trying times but finding ways to soothe and your soul and paths towards healing is so important. I will pray for you and your family.
ReplyDelete